i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
