I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize