I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize