I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
