do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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