There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
