the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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