please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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