when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize