I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
