So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
