Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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