I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just saw a hot homeless man
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
