Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
