True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
