I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
