So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize