he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
