he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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