onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
