I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
