U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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