oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
