we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This baby is an asshole
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
