Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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