Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
