My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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