oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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