dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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