She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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