I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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