So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
