You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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