I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
