I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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