I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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