At least make sure they are 18
Why
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
