I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
