It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
