I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
