That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
