The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
