I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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