He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
