Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
