He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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