exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
