ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
