I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
