went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Randomize
