I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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