I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
