how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
