I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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