Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she pinky promised me she was 18
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
