Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
