So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize