I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
