don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
