I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
