If that was your dad, he is hot
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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