I'm so fucking centered right now
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
