I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
