The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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