what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
