When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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