You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
