This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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