If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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