haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
