CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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