Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
