I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
