My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
