I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
