I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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